Moments of Denial..

So every thursday nite i have trouble convincing myself to go to bed, even though i have to get up and go to my internship early in the morning. Tonite though i think i'm having trouble going to bed because i'm thinking a lot about the next few months, kind of in denial about the whole college being over thing. i officially have four classes left to go to - hiking on saturday (which may not happen because of the rain) and then 3 classes on Tuesday. blah.. you know, journaling tonite can lead to nothing good. really, does anything good come about after midnite? i dont think so.. in fact, the only good that will come about in this journal is finding some solid scripture to stand on, so lemme do that...

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free." ~Psalm 118:5

man, I'd like to get back into a lifestyle of constantly searching and studying the scriptures..

for the praise of His glory,
Melissa

A So What Moment...

So this was just funny and I thought I'd write it down. I was at church this morning, and at our church they end each sermon by asking the question "So What?" - meaning so what are you going to do with the information just presented to you? Today's sermon was on the ministry of the Holy Spirit (John 16:5-15), so the "So What?" was asking how are you going to respond to the Holy Spirit, and so I was praying and just telling God how it always seems like during the times when it's just me and God, that there seem to be so many other voices trying to direct me, and right when I was saying this, the choir started to sing!!! It was absolutely hysterical because I got completely distracted and lost focus and could not for the life of me remember what I was trying to pray about. And then I remembered! I was going to pray for God to help me hear His voice above and clearer than all the other voices. It just made me laugh.

"The shepherd walks right up to the gate. The gatekeeper opens the gate to him and the sheep recognize his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he gets them all out,he leads them and they follow because they are familiar with his voice." ~John 10, the Message

for the praise of His glory,
Melissa

Awkward moments...

Man it has been a rough day... things just keep happening that make me want to go hide in a corner or cry. Not that anything is overly wrong, just nothing today seems to go as planned. Kinda reminds me of that verse in proverbs.. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." That's apparently how today turned out. There was a lot of junk that needed to be taken care of today... and everything, literally every part of the day just turned out blah. I dont know if I'm just overwhelmed with worry about a lot of things, or feel like I've let a ton of people down today.. probably the latter.

It was a humbling evening, or at least I'm sure its meant to be humbling - hopefully writing this out and processing it will help. Tonight we had the Keynote band come play. The weather was 55 degrees... so an outside show just wasnt working, and the band blew a tire coming down, also might have been a sign. Anyway, the location got worked out unbelievably quickly (rain and cold meant outside was out.) and we thought that was a good thing. But really, no one showed up for the show. It was in a sense humiliating - I knew a keynote show wouldnt go over well at belmont. and their feedback after the show was exactly right - that the event was not a right fit for our school and the size of our movement. maybe i should have stopped the show earlier, not let it have been planned. but honestly i think its just satan trying to make me take responsibility for something that i'm not supposed to carry. i really need to trust and remember that God is sovereign and maybe there were lessons that the other leadership girls needed to learn, and if me feeling a little bit humiliated means they were able to learn, then it's all for God's glory.

Ben used to tell me he hated being the object lesson of what God was teaching me - because it always meant something was going wrong on his end. now i know how he feels... but the truth is that God is good, all the time. And we are His creation, under His control, and although in times like this it may seem like we'd rather have control, the truth is that there are way more situations that would go way worse if we WERE in control, and overall, it is far better to be guided by His hand. I'd have it that way at all times.

We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got - that's what we're depending on. ~Psalm 33:20-22, the Message

for the praise of His glory,
Melissa

Everything for one moment..

I've been thinking about something a lot today and wanted to write it down so I could remember it tomorrow and the next day. It's nothing too terribly profound, but I was thinking about how I always hear people say that even if I were the only person on earth that needed a Savior, Christ still would have done everything He did. We're planning this women's overnight on our campus and as we were talking today my friend was talking about how she was kind of nervous that no one would come or that not a lot of people would come. I just got to thinking that if Christ would go through all He did so that one life would be changed, doesnt it make sense that we would plan these events, and do big huge things, so that even one person's life would be changed? I thought about going to Tokyo, thinking it would be completely worth it to raise $5,000 of support, fly half way across the country into a culture I knew nothing about, if simply one life was affected. This world loves to define success for us, but I think success looks very different in God's eyes.

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care - then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Dont push your way to the front; dont sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Dont be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. ~Philippians 2:1-4, the Message

for the praise of His glory,
Melissa

Unexpected moments

I told my parents that I needed to write today down in history because it has been so great. In my artist management class today, our guest speaker was a banker. He told us his story, of how he moved to nashville wanting to be the next major country music star and how his life took him down a different path. I feel like I am living his story, only 15 years later. After class, I was able to speak with him about his passion for music and what that looks like now that he is a banker. It was truly just so incredible and encouraging - It was a safety, a reassurance that I dont need to be afraid of my accounting background - and that I do not have to be (and am not expected to be) an accounting genius to use that degree. Talking to this man really opened my eyes to a possibility of how my abilities and passion can balance, without either being sacrificed.

I dont know where God taking me, but today was exciting. God is increasing my desire to give my life away - almost like he is making my life vision line up with my church's vision for its family (that vision is: to glorify God by becoming a worshipping community of influence where men, women and children are maturing in the faith and being equipped to give their lives away.) The past few days have really amazed me - there is a newness - a new desire to give my life away through volunteering, a new desire to have a job that allows me to financially support the work God is doing, a new desire to give my time and resources in a way that glorifies God through my actions. It's a beautiful process - again, what joy in knowing that God is working in and on me! I dont think i've ever been so confident about that than right this moment!

I think it needs to become a quick tradition to end every post on here with God's word - it is so good!

In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life. ~James 1:21, the Message

for the praise of His glory,
Melissa

Sometimes life seems like a series of moments

I dont quite know why I've started this blog. I just came home from the Leadership Banquet on campus. I was severely underdressed (or so I thought until Tyler showed up and saved the day - as he was dressed more casual than I.. apparently we both missed the memo..). Anyway, it was yet another event that left me asking the question of what am I doing in this life. As expected, there was a sense that I was missing out on some part of life - my mom describes it as my unending desire to prove that the grass is greener on the other side. But tonight was different because of a new confidence, a Philippians confidence that God is at work within me and He will continue this work until it is complete. It is an amazing battle - to hear Christ saying do not be afraid, take courage, have hope - forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead - words that so many people say but few actually mean, or truly believe.

It's an amazing thing to know that God is at work in my life. I dont write it down enough, or talk about it enough. Someone once told me that never should something God teaches me or reveals to me or provides me be kept secret.

Let me end this for now with words not of my own, but an interpretation of words that really are worth latching onto.

God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him. When I got my act together, He gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I dont take God for granted. Every day I review the ways He works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes. ~Psalm 18:20-24, the Message

for the praise of His glory,
Melissa