Love Much

well, it's entirely way past my bedtime considering the full day and tomorrow's early morning, but it was a great day, following a great week and i wanted to take a minute to remember - return, in a sense, to say thanks for what's been given me.
I simply cannot say thanks enough for the people around me and how grateful I am to know them, to have them in my life loving much on someone so in need of love, and in turn wanting to love much in return. For the past month, everyday bears a similar image in my mind - one of someone that's been deep below the water's surface finally breaking through and breathing, where every breath feels life-saving. Its a feeling of coming alive, and I'm daily amazed for this feeling. I'm starting to re-learn so many things I didnt realize I'd forgotten/stopped doing/un-learned - how to love, how to care for those around me, the yearn to pray because I do care. It's been many years since I've rejoiced at the end of each day - for so many days in a row. Its been years since I havent felt the stir-crazy undertones of discontent, feeling like life can and probably will pick me up and move me. And maybe its just today, maybe it's just this moment, but for once I feel like I'm not searching. I live in a place I love. I keep meeting more and more people that I love getting to meet! And I keep getting opportunities to really get to know these people - it truly feels like a cup overflowing. And for someone whose coworker used to make me signs saying "the cup's half full" because I wouldve sworn it was half empty, an overflowing cup is a testament to grace.

What's amazing is that right now I look at my life and see an abundance of things I didnt think were possible - things I've spent years searching for, things I spent years not finding. I know I'm still on the journey; I'm really eager to see where God is taking me and what is to come.

a hard question to ask

I just had a thought this morning that I wanted to write down so I wouldnt forget it... A friend of a friend recently adopted a little baby boy, but has just found out that the grandmother has come forward saying she wants the boy. One thing I prayed for was that God would ultimately place the boy wherever he needed to be so that he would one day come to know and love the Lord. This prayer led to me grappling with some ideas. First - that Christ died for the sins of all people, not just some. Not everyone chooses to believe in Christ and live in light of that belief, and I think God knows the hearts of everyone - He knows who will come to believe in Him. And I believe that God does not force people to believe. But even knowing that not everyone would come to believe, Christ still died for All, not some. I think it's in 1 Timothy that Paul encourages Timothy to preach the gospel that Some would come to believe. Paul didnt encourage Timothy with the idea that all would come to believe, just some. There's something about this that just sticks in my mind - Christ paid for all sins to be forgiven so that all could find forgiveness in Him even though He knows full well that many will never accept this forgiveness. I'm in awe of something like that...was there a way for Christ to die a lesser death to only take the penalty of the sins committed by those who would one day choose to believe in Him? With God, all things are possible, but I could never see God acting that way.
The question that I dont want to ask, though, is why God allows people to be born on this earth if He knows every choice they'll ever make, including whether or not they'll one day come to believe in Him? To allow someone to come onto this earth knowing that person will never accept Christ's forgiveness for the debt they owe... most Christians believe that if you dont believe in what Christ did, when you die you go to hell. But to me, when I think in that order, its like saying God allows people to be born knowing that their eternity is in hell and not with Him.
I'm not saying what I believe here... I've never thought about these questions, so I wanted to write them down so I could think about them in the future! Feel free to share your thoughts