Awkward moments...

Man it has been a rough day... things just keep happening that make me want to go hide in a corner or cry. Not that anything is overly wrong, just nothing today seems to go as planned. Kinda reminds me of that verse in proverbs.. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." That's apparently how today turned out. There was a lot of junk that needed to be taken care of today... and everything, literally every part of the day just turned out blah. I dont know if I'm just overwhelmed with worry about a lot of things, or feel like I've let a ton of people down today.. probably the latter.

It was a humbling evening, or at least I'm sure its meant to be humbling - hopefully writing this out and processing it will help. Tonight we had the Keynote band come play. The weather was 55 degrees... so an outside show just wasnt working, and the band blew a tire coming down, also might have been a sign. Anyway, the location got worked out unbelievably quickly (rain and cold meant outside was out.) and we thought that was a good thing. But really, no one showed up for the show. It was in a sense humiliating - I knew a keynote show wouldnt go over well at belmont. and their feedback after the show was exactly right - that the event was not a right fit for our school and the size of our movement. maybe i should have stopped the show earlier, not let it have been planned. but honestly i think its just satan trying to make me take responsibility for something that i'm not supposed to carry. i really need to trust and remember that God is sovereign and maybe there were lessons that the other leadership girls needed to learn, and if me feeling a little bit humiliated means they were able to learn, then it's all for God's glory.

Ben used to tell me he hated being the object lesson of what God was teaching me - because it always meant something was going wrong on his end. now i know how he feels... but the truth is that God is good, all the time. And we are His creation, under His control, and although in times like this it may seem like we'd rather have control, the truth is that there are way more situations that would go way worse if we WERE in control, and overall, it is far better to be guided by His hand. I'd have it that way at all times.

We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got - that's what we're depending on. ~Psalm 33:20-22, the Message

for the praise of His glory,
Melissa