an inconvenient truth

this is actually almost funny to be writing after seeing my last post pop up (referring to note on facebook) - that picture of a big, beautiful earth destroying SUV! okay okay, maybe, MAYBE earth destroying is a bit much... in thinking about my car, and wanting a new car, i started with the idea 'definitely not a jeep, they get 15/20 mpg! i should get a hybrid.. because they're cool.' which immediately turned into 'but hey, hybrid SUVs get about the same fuel efficiency as my current car, oooh, SUV, that would be fun.' that turned into 'well heck, there aren't many hybrid SUVs. and thier fuel efficiency actually doesnt really reach that of my current car...' that turned into 'oooooh, pretty SUV! 17/24 mpg... well, i do a lot of highway travel, and 24 is kinda close to 30. maybe that's not THAT bad'...

thank goodness i realized point A - that i couldnt possibly afford a hybrid SUV, not even a regular SUV. the cool factor literally took over within 24 hours. insane. not to mention "i should get a hybrid.. because they're cool"??? definitely missed the point there.

the fact is that i just finished watching a movie called "An Inconvenient Truth". and yeah, i'm now very concerned about this little planet we live on! the movie is kind of like a presentation put on by Al Gore about Global Warming - the evidence that shows that it's true. and if you honestly dont believe global warming is happening, i'd be more than curious to hear where you're coming from. because, to me, numbers and pictures like those shown in this documentary are shocking.

trash has been on my mind lately. not like my mind is in the gutter, literally thinking about the amount of trash we create. i go into stores to buy a pack of gum, and they stick it in a big plastic bag. what a waste! i subscribe to this thing called CoolPeopleCare - they send you an email everyday that tells you a way that you can literally change the world in under 5 minutes. one day was about excess i believe, and they linked to this guy, Chris Jordan, who artistically portrays it in ways that really get your attention. awesomely, the website is current and has a recent collection of his art. you should check it out here:http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php?id=%3fview=XXX_09NNN

in the meantime, here i am. wondering about this world that we're creating, that we think is so great, and in so many ways, it is. but in so many ways, it's not. but i dont know that i could honestly say that i believe in the human race enough to believe people would be willing to adjust their happy lives so that their grandchildren can enjoy what they enjoy now. we want instant gratification, instant everything, complete convenience. sorry grandkiddos.

i dont know if i believe i will change. but at least for me, i havent given up on the hope that i can change.

p.s. learn about global warming at www.climatecrisis.netand join coolpeoplecare at www.coolpeoplecare.com

how'd you spend your thanksgiving?!

well, it has been a fun day in my household. after battling off (i hope) a cold of sorts, we got up this morning and after discussing how ridiculous it was that walmart was open on thanksgiving day, we decided to take advantage of it and pay them a visit! apparently since i was getting a new ipod, my brother got an xbox360. so, after my brother and i were recently exposed to guitar hero, that is what we went to purchase at walmart. $100 later we were home, hooked up, and rocking out. taking a break, we watched some football, and somehow talked ourselves into thinking i should get a new car. you see, when i was driving home last night, all the suv lights were blinding me b/c i sat so low to the ground. so i decided i needed to put an end to that. i was thinking a SUV hybrid. so, partway through the football game, we decided to go look at cars :) we found some really nifty ones, but upon arriving back at home, i realized that i still cannot afford a 30K car (seriously, who was i kidding!!!!) i am trying to set aside my desire for something new (i mean, seriously, pay more and get worse gas mileage.. a cool looking car just isnt worth it. if anything, i should buy a snazzy new regular sized hybrid so that i can get stinkin awesome gas mileage and be able to save up a load of money so that one day when SUV's become good for the environment i can buy one then.

so at this point in the day we're back to normal thanksgiving day activities, finishing touches on the meal. it was delicious and we all ate WAY too much. this was followed by a little more guitar hero, and then some chicken foot (with dessert - yumminess), and then just a little more guitar hero. yeah. part of me definitely wants the xbox so that i can have the guitar hero game.... but at the same time.. i know i'd end up just more distracted, having fun yes, but not spending my time doing things that actually have a purpose in this world. (after living in nashville, i can attest that this world actually does NOT need one more guitar hero. even tho i am the best in my family! ... of course.. maybe that is only because i'm the only one that hasnt been drinking tonight). tomorrow we will join the shopping world, probably buying the karaoke game for the xbox (mom thinks she'd like that better than guitar hero). also, we'll be scoping out digital cameras - while my brother and i love the ones we got several years ago, they are now a bit outdated at a mere 3.2 megapixels. i do wonder if i should really ask for a new one.. thinking about that, and my fixation on a new car... i appear to be getting seriously caught up in the junk of this world. a cushy life as a friend recently put it. we'll see. but for now, i should be getting to bed. whatever illness is trying to slow me down isnt quite gone yet, and a good night's rest would probably do it good.

10 Spontaneous Hours

Well, last night ended up being random. Around 12:30 yesterday, I decided to take a random trip to Fayetteville to see the How Great is Our God Tour w/ Chris Tomlin & Louie Giglio. So I finished watching the Mizzou vs. Texas A&M game, hopped in my car, and drove nearly 3 hours to northwest arkansas. Didn't take anyone with me, didn't take anything with me, just took off. Haven't done something like that in years probably, since college in ohio i'd guess.
so there I was. the concert was at the university of arkansas, in their indoor track facility. definitely an absolutely horrible place to have a concert, but that's okay. since i waited until the day of the concert, i got just a general admission [way in the back] seat. it's worth saying that while i could hear chris and louie's voices, from where I was sitting, I could not make out their faces. so there i was, in the back, by myself, and of course, since we were in arkansas and this was a very 'family friendly' event, the crowd was very reserved. in fact, maybe it's just me, but every concert i go to - everyone seems reserved! tomlin's BGVs were very... animated you might say. it definitely felt like they were trying to perform for the crowd. the first song was Enough, and as I listened, I decided that indeed - God's grace was even enough for the cheesy christianity that i felt all around me. Hallelujah's and raised hands from people that i just wondered - is it real for them? do they really, REALLY mean it? or is it just tradition and culture built into people?
i think the real reason i wondered that is because of what the night meant for me. it's now been well over a month since i stopped going to church, and seeing as how many of tomlin's songs make up what the church sings, it's been a very long time since i've sang any of his songs. [i'm not even sure where his cd is at..] but at the start of the night i realized that something was different. i could sense how reading my bible actually has made a difference. singing the songs, things that i'd read in the gospels came to mind. things that jesus actually said and did were for once the basis of why i could confidently sing these songs. as the night went on, it started to wear off - which made me want and know that i needed more time reading, i want and need for the words of the bible to be a bigger part of who i am.
the last song of the night [no shocker here] was How Great is Our God. and honestly, I couldnt really sing along. i started to, but i started thinking 'why is our God great?' i dont know, maybe it's just me, but i'm not satisfied with some things that have happened in my life being the basis for why i can sing how great is our god. my life's just too small. i started wondering what leads other people, here and across the globe, to say truly how great is our god. and i wondered about scripture. for whatever reason, i started thinking about what i had read during the intermission - john 8. in there, jesus says "He who follows Me shall ... have the light of life." and i just started thinking this through. i wondered what 'light' meant - did it mean something like having the gift of life? and i started to come to the conclusion that the light of life/the gift of life - perhaps it means that he who follows jesus, what is then shining out of you is life. like, some people you meet and the energy they're giving off is just negative, or bitter, or complacent... but i think to me this verse means that what naturally shows out of you when you're following jesus is life - full life.
and so.. after thinking this through, to me, this gave me reason to sing how great is our god.
chris and louie didnt hang out afterward to say hello to anyone, and so i just left. came by myself, left by myself, but met with jesus while i was there. and that's a fantastic thing.

oh the future, oh today!

what a time in life this is. i've spent a fair portion of today thinking about so many things - too many to even remember! thinking about old friends that i have so much in common with, where our lives have us today, and where they might have us in the future. in particular, today my mind has been on my dear friend Christina. she's in germany right now. actually, she's been living there most of the past year and is back for another year. she is such a cherished friend, even if it's been months and months since i've gotten to talk to her, and many months beyond that since i've seen her. i've thought about if it would be possible to go visit her, sometime in the future.
oh the future!
i was writing her a letter today (because real mail is still a great treasure!) and was just telling her how i've been reading the gospel according to john in these most recent days, and it is great! i have no idea what the future has in store, and we all know that i'm not one to set long range goals (or any goals really!), but i said to her 'when i stop and remember where i'm at and how God has been at work in me, i just overflow with joy and hope and ambition and excitement. it's odd, i dont know what the future holds and yet i feel so strongly about it.' it's truly something that i cannot explain.
oh today!
my day to day life is a continual battle - to go to bed early, get up on time, to stop eating the bad foods, to exercise, to turn off the tv and READ my bible! to write old friends, to stay positive at work and to work hard. to give people the benefit of the doubt and put myself out there. to make friends. to keep looking in the mirror and seeing a beautiful woman made by God rather than seeing my self doubts. today is hard, but it is so good!