10 Spontaneous Hours

Well, last night ended up being random. Around 12:30 yesterday, I decided to take a random trip to Fayetteville to see the How Great is Our God Tour w/ Chris Tomlin & Louie Giglio. So I finished watching the Mizzou vs. Texas A&M game, hopped in my car, and drove nearly 3 hours to northwest arkansas. Didn't take anyone with me, didn't take anything with me, just took off. Haven't done something like that in years probably, since college in ohio i'd guess.
so there I was. the concert was at the university of arkansas, in their indoor track facility. definitely an absolutely horrible place to have a concert, but that's okay. since i waited until the day of the concert, i got just a general admission [way in the back] seat. it's worth saying that while i could hear chris and louie's voices, from where I was sitting, I could not make out their faces. so there i was, in the back, by myself, and of course, since we were in arkansas and this was a very 'family friendly' event, the crowd was very reserved. in fact, maybe it's just me, but every concert i go to - everyone seems reserved! tomlin's BGVs were very... animated you might say. it definitely felt like they were trying to perform for the crowd. the first song was Enough, and as I listened, I decided that indeed - God's grace was even enough for the cheesy christianity that i felt all around me. Hallelujah's and raised hands from people that i just wondered - is it real for them? do they really, REALLY mean it? or is it just tradition and culture built into people?
i think the real reason i wondered that is because of what the night meant for me. it's now been well over a month since i stopped going to church, and seeing as how many of tomlin's songs make up what the church sings, it's been a very long time since i've sang any of his songs. [i'm not even sure where his cd is at..] but at the start of the night i realized that something was different. i could sense how reading my bible actually has made a difference. singing the songs, things that i'd read in the gospels came to mind. things that jesus actually said and did were for once the basis of why i could confidently sing these songs. as the night went on, it started to wear off - which made me want and know that i needed more time reading, i want and need for the words of the bible to be a bigger part of who i am.
the last song of the night [no shocker here] was How Great is Our God. and honestly, I couldnt really sing along. i started to, but i started thinking 'why is our God great?' i dont know, maybe it's just me, but i'm not satisfied with some things that have happened in my life being the basis for why i can sing how great is our god. my life's just too small. i started wondering what leads other people, here and across the globe, to say truly how great is our god. and i wondered about scripture. for whatever reason, i started thinking about what i had read during the intermission - john 8. in there, jesus says "He who follows Me shall ... have the light of life." and i just started thinking this through. i wondered what 'light' meant - did it mean something like having the gift of life? and i started to come to the conclusion that the light of life/the gift of life - perhaps it means that he who follows jesus, what is then shining out of you is life. like, some people you meet and the energy they're giving off is just negative, or bitter, or complacent... but i think to me this verse means that what naturally shows out of you when you're following jesus is life - full life.
and so.. after thinking this through, to me, this gave me reason to sing how great is our god.
chris and louie didnt hang out afterward to say hello to anyone, and so i just left. came by myself, left by myself, but met with jesus while i was there. and that's a fantastic thing.