i think i cry because this isnt heaven..

so i guess you could say i'm having a bad night. i feel continually on the verge of tears, just wanting a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, a glimpse of heaven. not that life's been bad lately, it's been great, despite the severe lack of sleep, the headaches. really they're not a big deal. there are just some times when i feel overly aware that this isnt heaven, and that there's hurt and suffering and a lack of everything we were meant for. not even on purpose. hurtful words can be said completely unintentionally. actions can be taken without the intended consequences.

somehow, the little things that happen in my world that remind me that we live in this insane world desperately searching for something we rarely will admit, these little things continually remind me of kids who are orphans due to war, aids, famine, curable diseases, unclean water, kids that share a tiny hut with 8 others just like them. we're also so desperate in our own ways. it just hurts me to think about it, to think about this world in which we live.

and i know, a ton of people would say there are so many great things in this world. and i'm not trying to say i'm right or they're wrong, or they're right and i'm wrong. it's just the view from my eyes.

i cannot wait for a heaven without suffering and pain and tears, where finally everything is made right and there is true peace. and i hope that in the meantime, somehow more of that peace can come into this world.