Catching up on the moments

Well, it has been quite some time i believe since I've last even looked at this thing. i've moved into a new apartment and well.. i guess that has been the major event, but i dont have internet in the new apartment, so i feel like its been forever since i've been on here. its hard to say if living by myself is everything everyone said it would be ~ the all said it would be fabulous. to me, it's just a roof over my head, and a place to cook, etc. its not the greatest location, and with gas at $2.45 a gallon, I dont exactly like to drive all over the place, even though i end up doing that anyway.

so.. even tho i titled this 'catching up on the moments', i'm not going to. there's really not much to catch up on. i moved. i went to/was in emily & john's wedding, i joined the YMCA, i got asked to be in another wedding and that about covers it all.

but today has given me something to write about. i tried out a new church today, for what reason, i'm not sure, still missing apex i guess, but so i went and worked with kids at my church and then drove off (not knowing where i was going) and went to another church. the pastor reminded me a lot of rob (the pastor at apex), with his preaching style, but as i left, i couldn't help but feel disappointed. i drove away just wondering what in the world i was doing, what was i looking for, what was a church supposed to be and how was i ever supposed to know when i'd found it. well, somehow it finally occurred to me, this revolutionary thought:

i've been searching for something that doesn't exist.

revolutionary, huh? but i started thinking, what exactly was it about apex that made me love it so much? well, it was the fact that it was actually a combination of crusade and apex ~ how a large group of students would meet up and drive to church together, sit together, discuss the sermon on the way home, eat breakfast/lunch together -- it was that whole experience, not just apex on its own. and i wonder, if i went to apex now, would i feel the same way about it? would i be able to plug in and get connected? it just has me asking a lot of questions, about how to spend my time, how often to be around other christians, its just like i dont know the right answers right now. and so as far as this church is concerned, maybe i'll go back. i did like the pastor ~ he's young, pretty entergetic - the church is kind of far away... i just dont know! i'd really like to figure out what role church is supposed to play in my life. otherwise, how will i ever know when to stop looking?

so yeah, that's what's been on my mind today. last nite my old roommate and i had a great conversation. we were talking about how we are told, subconsciously so many things in life that just ruin life -- things that tell us that life should or shouldn't be a certain way, that we should or shouldn't act a certain way, etc. i think its too hard to explain here, but it just made me start thinking about a lot of stuff. the other thought we were throwing around is "humility is not thinking of yourself as nothing, its just not thinking about yourself." chew on that for a while. okay... i think that's enough rambling for now.

"My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely." ~ Song of Solomon 2:14

for the praise of His glory,
melissa