more thoughts on church

thanks to the ridiculous sun during soccer, i'm feeling a bit nauseous [and yes, i know, 85 in september is nothing compared to the summer. frankly, i could care less.] and so i figured i would take a minute to write down some thoughts and hopefully let that feeling pass.
recently i've come across two good things: sermon series by 2 of my favorite teaching pastors on the purpose of the Church. one is Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, CA and the other is Fellowship Evangelical Free church in Knoxville, TN. i've really felt lost in life lately, its like i've not know what is important, or i havent been finding importance in my day to day life. and the verse in Romans 7:19 - For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. - i feel that way a lot. anyway, last night i somewhat listened to the first sermon from the knoxville church and i basically came to two concusions:

for one, the guy was preaching from 1 timothy but was also using verses from a lot of other writings of paul as well. what struck me was that all the verses he mentioned were familiar sounding, but he pointed out that [i think] most of paul's writings are to the Church about what it means to be the Church. And oddly enough, I'm not sure if I've ever studied Paul's writings as a whole as it pertains to the Church.

secondly, a lot of the stuff he said honestly took me by surprise. it confirmed the feeling i've felt for the past year - that i dont really understand what God intended the Church to be or do. it also made me stop and think that what for the past year i've been thinking I want from a church many not be at all what the Bible says the church should be. and if that's the case, well that changes everything. because if that's the case, it's my heart that needs to change, not the Church. which is not to say that my frustrations dont hold any worth. but some good friends have taught me that when it comes to this walk of faith, you cling to what you know but you always remember that you dont know it all. and if at any point God's Word reveals something different, but correct, compared to what you've been clinging to, you've gotta be willing to let go of whatever it is and now cling to that truth which God has revealed.

while not entirely motivating, this is encouraging. i think simply in the fact that for the past year, its like i've doubted that the Bible has the answers to the questions I cannot even formulate. and last night i started to think that there really truly may be answers.