the disservice of forgetfulness.
so, i find myself here again. here being sitting on my bed because for one, it's the only place i get internet access and two, my blankets are warm and i am cold. lovely itunes brings choice music. not sure if music sets my mood or if my mood chooses the music. [by the way, for today it appears to be happy music. "God's Romance" by Delirious, and the "brave" cd by Nichole Nordeman]
this weekend was pretty terrific. costly, but terrific. yesterday morning my alarm went off at 3:30am. at 6:15 i flew off to chicago. i arrived in chicago, where the temperature was 14 degrees and there were flurries in the air. i forgot how long it'd been since i've been up north. [probably 3 years] like, i really forgot. it was a good start to the following 36 hours. i finally found the avis rental car place and picked up my crappy little Toyota Yaris. it made me extremely grateful for my lovely new saturn vue. so me and the yar take off across the state. i forgot how long it'd been since i drove across illinois. [4 years] i wasnt prepared for the toll road. they took like $4.50 from me. but we made it. welcome to Clinton, Iowa. i'm not sure if i've actually ever been in iowa before. it smelled funny.] i found my hotel, went shopping, and went to see a movie. my hotel was sweet. well, it was a sweet suite. 2 separate rooms, 2 tvs, pretty awesome for like $80. I saw Fools Gold at the movies - pretty good. at this point in the day i was quite enjoying my little adventure. oh, yeah, so the whole point of this outing was that my old college roommate was getting married. so 3ish i get ready for the wedding, head out at 4 - the church is like 25 miles away, wedding starts at 5, thought i'd be good. right, so this is why i need GPS. i got lost. i freaked out. my poor parents who regularly deal with me getting lost and calling [never in a pleasant or appreciative mood mind you] and they always save the day. the church was literally in the middle of nowhere. the road was icy - i was running up from where i parked thinking 'this is bad. not supposed to run up a gravel ice covered road in heels, in a dress'. so i finally race in just before the wedding started. saw that a few other old college roommates were also there. the ceremony was great - the pastor spoke to the bride and groom, telling each about what their call in marriage was. it was good.
from here we're off to the reception. i call mom to thank her for saving me earlier. she asks if i'm following someone to the reception. i say no, i've got good directions this time. of course, they're only good if i actually follow them. but no, i think i know another way to go and frustrate myself. at this point in the night i was a little concerned about spending the evening with people i havent seen or hardly even spoken with over the past 4 years. at the church, it didnt feel like conversation came easily - so there was potential for a long reception. however, upon finally finding the reception, it turned out to be pretty terrific. i forgot how much i enjoyed having these people in my life. it was hard though, because i was the one that in a sense turned my back on them. when i left ohio, i kind of left wanting to only look ahead, figure out what i was supposed to do with this life. i didnt really look back, i didnt make an effort to keep in touch with people. i remember one time going back to visit and driving back to nashville from dayton, i cried for the first hour of my drive, wondering what in the heck i was doing. and so at this wedding, i got to remember and appreciate this incredible people, and it was neat. it wasnt really remember great times we'd had in college, but it was remembering personalities. i'd forgotten how well i knew these friends. how could a person forget like this? it amazed me really.
after the reception i made it back to the hotel almost on the first try and went straight to sleep. today i was... wow, so it's 9pm now. i wasnt even originally supposed to be flying back from chicago until 9:30! i ended up shelling out $25 more to get on an earlier flight. i raced the clock back from clinton to chicago. i thought i was prepared for the tolls. i was wrong. by the time i got to the last one, which i didnt know was there, i didnt have enough money. and there was no person there. so i threw in all the change i had, and drove on. i felt like i was breaking the law, but what was i supposed to do. getting back early this afternoon was a particular treat. and so that was my weekend. little rock to chicago to clinton iowa to port byron illinois back to clinton, back to chicago, back to little rock - all in 36 hours.
it's interesting. reflecting on seeing these old friends again, i think i've even forgotten who i am, who i've been, things i enjoy, qualities i cherish in other people and how they stir in me different desires in life. by the end of the reception i felt like i didnt know myself, perhaps because i've forgotten details of my journey through life. to me, that's hard to deal with and accept. it makes me question the choices i make, and it makes me want a Constant in my life. [which is not to say i dont have any constants in my life.. that one's too long to clarify!] if you watch Lost - a few episodes back that was a key point - if you dont have a constant in your life when you feel like your life is all over the place, it will eventually kill you.
in conclusion, i come from a family that believes everything happens for a reason. what a shame it is then to forget our past. and in particular, the people who have inevitably shaped who we are today.
this weekend was pretty terrific. costly, but terrific. yesterday morning my alarm went off at 3:30am. at 6:15 i flew off to chicago. i arrived in chicago, where the temperature was 14 degrees and there were flurries in the air. i forgot how long it'd been since i've been up north. [probably 3 years] like, i really forgot. it was a good start to the following 36 hours. i finally found the avis rental car place and picked up my crappy little Toyota Yaris. it made me extremely grateful for my lovely new saturn vue. so me and the yar take off across the state. i forgot how long it'd been since i drove across illinois. [4 years] i wasnt prepared for the toll road. they took like $4.50 from me. but we made it. welcome to Clinton, Iowa. i'm not sure if i've actually ever been in iowa before. it smelled funny.] i found my hotel, went shopping, and went to see a movie. my hotel was sweet. well, it was a sweet suite. 2 separate rooms, 2 tvs, pretty awesome for like $80. I saw Fools Gold at the movies - pretty good. at this point in the day i was quite enjoying my little adventure. oh, yeah, so the whole point of this outing was that my old college roommate was getting married. so 3ish i get ready for the wedding, head out at 4 - the church is like 25 miles away, wedding starts at 5, thought i'd be good. right, so this is why i need GPS. i got lost. i freaked out. my poor parents who regularly deal with me getting lost and calling [never in a pleasant or appreciative mood mind you] and they always save the day. the church was literally in the middle of nowhere. the road was icy - i was running up from where i parked thinking 'this is bad. not supposed to run up a gravel ice covered road in heels, in a dress'. so i finally race in just before the wedding started. saw that a few other old college roommates were also there. the ceremony was great - the pastor spoke to the bride and groom, telling each about what their call in marriage was. it was good.
from here we're off to the reception. i call mom to thank her for saving me earlier. she asks if i'm following someone to the reception. i say no, i've got good directions this time. of course, they're only good if i actually follow them. but no, i think i know another way to go and frustrate myself. at this point in the night i was a little concerned about spending the evening with people i havent seen or hardly even spoken with over the past 4 years. at the church, it didnt feel like conversation came easily - so there was potential for a long reception. however, upon finally finding the reception, it turned out to be pretty terrific. i forgot how much i enjoyed having these people in my life. it was hard though, because i was the one that in a sense turned my back on them. when i left ohio, i kind of left wanting to only look ahead, figure out what i was supposed to do with this life. i didnt really look back, i didnt make an effort to keep in touch with people. i remember one time going back to visit and driving back to nashville from dayton, i cried for the first hour of my drive, wondering what in the heck i was doing. and so at this wedding, i got to remember and appreciate this incredible people, and it was neat. it wasnt really remember great times we'd had in college, but it was remembering personalities. i'd forgotten how well i knew these friends. how could a person forget like this? it amazed me really.
after the reception i made it back to the hotel almost on the first try and went straight to sleep. today i was... wow, so it's 9pm now. i wasnt even originally supposed to be flying back from chicago until 9:30! i ended up shelling out $25 more to get on an earlier flight. i raced the clock back from clinton to chicago. i thought i was prepared for the tolls. i was wrong. by the time i got to the last one, which i didnt know was there, i didnt have enough money. and there was no person there. so i threw in all the change i had, and drove on. i felt like i was breaking the law, but what was i supposed to do. getting back early this afternoon was a particular treat. and so that was my weekend. little rock to chicago to clinton iowa to port byron illinois back to clinton, back to chicago, back to little rock - all in 36 hours.
it's interesting. reflecting on seeing these old friends again, i think i've even forgotten who i am, who i've been, things i enjoy, qualities i cherish in other people and how they stir in me different desires in life. by the end of the reception i felt like i didnt know myself, perhaps because i've forgotten details of my journey through life. to me, that's hard to deal with and accept. it makes me question the choices i make, and it makes me want a Constant in my life. [which is not to say i dont have any constants in my life.. that one's too long to clarify!] if you watch Lost - a few episodes back that was a key point - if you dont have a constant in your life when you feel like your life is all over the place, it will eventually kill you.
in conclusion, i come from a family that believes everything happens for a reason. what a shame it is then to forget our past. and in particular, the people who have inevitably shaped who we are today.
posted by Melissa at 8:37 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home