genesis

so, i've been reading through Genesis little by little, taking my time, and today just threw me for a loop. I was reading chapters 33-35 which puts us in the middle of Jacob returning home, about to encounter Esau, the brother who he conned many a times (partially thanks to his mom) before fleeing from him some 20 years ago. it turns out, for what reason i do not yet know, esau is running to meet jacob with open arms, gladly welcoming him home. their interaction is so pleasant that it almost seems fake. such another time and place that i cannot even imagine two people interacting in such a way today. So esau returns home with jacob to follow (slowly because of young children and animals) and along the way when they're stopped in Shechem, Shechem (the person the city is named after) takes Dinah, jacob's daughter, and violates her. this part is one that really just left me speechless almost. so jacob, right, just a chapter before wrestled a Man (possibly God?) and was told that his name from now on would be israel - which begins the journey with the nation of israel, his sons being the 12 tribes of israel, etc. and so here in this situation with Dinah, shechem wants to have her for his wife, the sons of jacob (not jacob himself although i believe he's standing there during this interaction) say that the people of shechem can unite with jacob's people if only all the men agree to be circumcised, and since shechem is in love apparently with dinah, he gladly agrees and has all the men in his area circumcised. however, all this was only a ridiculous plot by the sons of jacob b/c they then go in and kill ALL the men of this whole area. they plunder their homes, take by force all the children and women.

and at this point i'm just blown away. did that seriously just happen? these sons of jacob that will undoubtedly become 2 nations of israel, plot this horrid scene, murder surely tons of men and kidnap their wives and children... as revenge for what was done to their sister dinah? i can understand being upset about dinah; it says that "the sons of Jacob came in from the field when they heard it; and the men were greived and very angry, because he [shechem] had done a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob's daughter, a thing which ought not to be done." but honestly i read this and thought how could this happen? where is God in this? did these people, the family of Jacob know God? what type of relationship did they have with him, if any sort at all? was there even the thought at this point in history of raising a family to know God? did teaching your kids about God happen? i wondered these things even through the happenings of Isaac's family - when jacob was deceiving his brother esau. how did... how could these people, who are supposed to be God's people - God's chosen people even - do things like this? i would think it to be unbearable to God, and then i thought how lucky these people are that after the flood with Noah, that God promised never to destroy all mankind again... and the thought that every day so much mercy was shown by God and i'd guess that the people didnt even realize it, as is probably so true of my own life today. and it really amazed me when i realized that I'm only in Genesis 35. noah was only a few chapters ago and this is still all happening in the first book of the bible. if i'm already asking 'how did God..?' i cant even put in into the form of a question... i guess i'm eager to keep reading, part of me wants to read more frequently, to read faster because for once i almost feel like i'm getting to see and understand (well... not really understand, but question so much that i begin to feel the slightest amount familiar with what's going on) both the details and the big picture. i feel like there's so much more to happen between the lives of Jacob and his sons and here in my life today. what all has gone down over these many many years, what does it mean? what does it mean in my life to learn about all of this? what does it mean about God?

its amazing how far over my head this is. when i finished reading i just thought again back on what i'm reading in general - i feel like its so easy to read anything quickly, to think i've got it - i know what it says and understand it. i mean, this is only the first book of the bible, i almost laugh thinking how can i have so many questions already, how can so much have happened already! i think about Isaiah 55:8-9 that says "for My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord - and when i read this i most often think about writing styles and how my whole life it seems i've been taught to write in much detail - opening thought, supporting/explaining sentences, summarizing thought - and i laugh because i dont think God's ways are like this. i think he's pretty straight to the point [relatively speaking], where every sentence in the bible is essentially packed full of so much meaning - a way that i could never write! i feel like i talk a lot because i take so many words to make my point [or just jabber on and on] whereas others dont talk quite as much because they can make their whole point in fewer words (which is a brilliant thing. i wish i could be that intentional with my words). and yet, here is God, straight to the point, but this bible is no small book! and i just remember again...his thoughts are not my thoughts, my ways are not his. [and yes, yes, yes... even that verse - i'm not claiming to fully understand what it means, and i very well might have taken it out of context, etc - but to get stuck in that detail is missing the point.]