this ain't my american dream..

Today has been an interesting day. For one, I’ve been particularly irritable and prone to being overly emotional, which is possibly unfortunate but questionably natural. For the past few days, if not weeks, I’ve sense myself becoming more and more accepting of this world around me. Excited by the thoughts of buying a house one day, wanting to be married, envisioning working at this same job for many years to come. What’s funny is that most people might call this ‘the American dream’, something that most people strive for their whole life. But to me, these things – thinking about them, its not typical for me, and I’ve even felt almost a disappointment because the yearning inside me that I’ve felt in life before seemed to be gone. Switchfoot (a San Diego rock band) has a song called American Dream. The chorus says:
This ain't my American dream
I want to live and die for bigger things
I'm tired of fighting for just me
This ain't my American dream
Today, painfully, and yet almost reassuringly, that yearning I sensed disappearing seems to have come back. It’s been a hard day at work… I don’t know if I can even explain why. I was particularly frustrated because of people I had to work with… but now that I think of it, I think it really came out of the fact that I was surrounded by people who approach things SO differently than I do. And it really bothered me. I felt torn – why should I always have things my way? Work always with people I get along with? Why should this frustrate me as much as it did? That I’m not sure of. In my breaks through the afternoon I was perusing the Invisible Children website, and longing returned to my heart. I want to live and die for bigger things.