captivating.

so yesterday i was going through my books seeing what i could get rid of - surely there was something. i came across a book i read a few years back and, remembering that it didnt blow me away the first time i read it, figured it was a good one to get rid of. i had made some notes while reading it before, so grabbed my eraser to clean it up. i'm quite a believer that books can mean something completely different to you if you read them at different points in your life. not surprisingly, then, as i was going back through this book, it seemed like something i should be reading now and so last night and this morning i've spent some time out on my patio in this great weather reading. and so, in typical fashion, a few passages or quotes that have stood out to me so far.

"A woman's struggle with her sense of self worth points to something glorious she was designed to be."

"In the depths of my soul, I longed to be part of something large and good; something that required all of me; something dangerous and worth dying for."

"We do not want to the adventure merely for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others. We don't want to be alone in it; we want to be in it with others."

"I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty ehough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

After all, if we were better women - whatever that means - life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We fell unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us - whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder."